Dark Calling

NOTE: this is my work, through and through, you'll find this same exact thing and the other chapters here - http://www.booksie.com/fantasy/novel/aria_aiedail/dark-calling
The reason I'm posting it here is because I want more people to give me advie than to tell me my writing's good.

“Soran, wake up,”he opened his eyes slowly, feeling paralyzed, numb, like there was a pain he was supposed to feel but it just wasn’t there. He obediently sat up and rolled his shoulders before addressing his twin sister.
“I’m up, Sora,” it was the same thing he said everyday at the same time every morning. In the back of his mind he detested the routine, the chains of boredom and repeating himself were more than he could handle. There was no fighting it, there was no struggling against the meager breakfast and empty days, there was no protest against the tiny space meant for three shared by ten. Soran’s fate was sealed the day he accepted Danny’s invitation.
“Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes,” Sora told him blankly before walking to the wall across from him and staring absently at the floor as she sat with her knees to her chest. He wanted to say something, anything that would wake his dear sister from the daze they were both in. Its grip tightened and his words were crushed. He turned to look at Mendi who was cooking with her back to him. He couldn’t express his anger because, in all reality, he didn’t feel it. Not a twinge of hatred or a drop of rage and it was her fault.
“Soran,” Lenish, how he wanted to tell the prick to bother someone else, “did you sleep well?”
“Yes,” Soran replied dully, how he wanted to tell him off, to hit him or even glare, “what about you?”
“Yes,” he said, a strange warble in his voice, “I had a strange dream.”
“What was it about,” Soran snapped before the words were suppressed, he watched as Lenish opened and closed his mouth a few times in confusion.
“I don’t feel like telling you,” he said slowly, stressing that single word as much as he possibly could, which wasn’t much. He was trying as hard as Soran to escape her power. Nothing could be done, they were doomed to die in the small ugly house without ever feeling sorrow for the others that would meet the same fate. It was only a matter or time before Danny spent even less on food money and they’d all starve to death.
“Okay then,” Soran said with a nod. He looked at Mendi’s back again. Something must be done about the witch.
"Hey, Danny!' his boss barked, "Get over here!" He reluctantly put down the broom and slunk over to Dran.
"Yes?" he asked obediantly.
"I need you on clean up," he said, not noticing the dark scowl that crossed his employee's face, "Merissa is sick so I need you to... Wipe that ugly look off your face."
"Yessir," Danny replied, he did his best from keeping his black eyebrows from attempting to join together, did his best not to look like the entire place disgusted him. He was Daniel Renis! He was one of the elite magic users, one of the Commandants, he didn't deserve to have to put up with lowly humans all day! He stomped up the stairs after completely ignoring anything else Dran had to say. Selfish, idiotic, blind, ignorant bastards! All of them. How he despised waiting for the rebellion, sneaking around and bowing to their wishes, running everytime someone saw how truly unique and powerful you were. No, that would not last long, by the time Danny finished with the world it will be his kind that discriminates against the humans. It will be the humans that run from him, not the other way around.
He methodically went to the empty rooms and cleaned it, he was doing the lowliest job in the world. A man like him deserved to be in Dran's position, he'd do a much better job anyway. Instead he was forced to put his dark hair in half his face and look as few people as possible in the eyes. Blind to the world was apparently the safest way to live, humans did such a splendid job of it. He stopped in his brooding when he felt a presence. It was what he lived for until the rebellion, but it was outside. He'd never make it past Dran. Dran wasn't his objective so, after throwing down his broom and apron, he dashed down the wooden stairs and passed his surprised and angered boss, into the streets.
"Watch it!" someone shouted as Danny practically ran into them, dodging between carts and causing horses to balk in surprise. He could feel the thrum of energy, it always pulsed with the users heart beat, it hummed and purred quietly because it was not in use, catching his target with it's gaurd down, perfect. He crashed into several people blindly, eyes fixed on the Meta world, following a warbling line of light that only he could see. The closer he came to the source the more unusual it became. From the original trail other lines reached out like excess energy, something Danny had never seen before. As he approached the glowing figure surrounded by shadows, humans that had no significance in Danny's world, the power line he exerted was whirling uncontrollably with lines of energy trying to escape.
Danny fell into step behind the magic user quietly, what kind of power could do such a thing. He went over all the abilities he'd seen and decided after a minute that what was before him must be a Parasite Magic. The rarest of the three types, a magic that killed you the more you used it. One satisfied that he'd identified the magic he promptly turned it off. A single tweak of his own power and all his target's power vanished. Unlike most people, he didn't stop in surprise of look around for an attacker, Danny's target just took off in a full sprint. Caught off gaurd Danny dashed after him, it was easy to follow his progress without using the powerlines, wrapped in black in the summer, he was the most noticable figure in the crowd.
Obviously he was used to being chased, slipping between people and literally climbing over carriages in a matter of seconds. It wasn't long until Danny completely lost the target, with nothing but a fading powerline to follow. Frustrated he picked his way through the crowd following th epowerline as best he could.Eventually he found himself standing in the main markets. Hundreds of people swirled around him, they each had places to go and people to see while he had his eyes to the floor, following the line. The further he followed the line the stronger the pulse got. Proudly he thought he would catch his first Parasite Magic user sucessfully.
"He's got a sword!" someone screamed suddenly, Danny spun around in time to leap to the side as a flashing blade clipped his arm.
"Stop!" Danny tried, uselessly, only able to back away from the attacker until he was against a stall of apples that trickled onto the floor. He looked up into a shadow, something was obscuring his face. It was theshiningsword that stole Danny's attention, so he did what he could, "I know what you are and I can help you!" He didn't shout it at the top of his lungs, just a harsh whisper, "I take care of others, nine others." Slowly the sword lowered, Danny's signal to go on.
"We stay in hiding because there is a rebellion that's being planned," Danny said smoothly, "every day there is training, three free, hearty meals, and soon.. Soon you'll never have to hide you face again, or run at the first sign of trouble. Soon you will be watching for humans instead of them watching for you." He could tell, he'd gotten yet another rebel. Calmly he put his sword away and Danny relaxed, suddenly surprised that he hadn't noticed how much taller he was than his attacker. He took another deep breath and asked, "What is your name?"
There was no reply, instead he gestured for Danny to lead the way. They left the market with a few concerned glances from their audiance. Eventually they came to a small house in the less than wealthy part of town. Danny smiled pleasently and went inside. Everyone sat with their backs against one wall or another, staring blankly across from them. Completely nullified. Mendi, the Meta Shifter that caused their paralyzed states, looked up from lunch preparation in shock.
"Danny?" she asked, "Why are you home so early?"
"I've found another," he replied, "we need to find him a place to spend the night and a caretaker for him."
"Okay," she said, knowing perfectly well that Danny's words were code for, 'turn our guest into an emotionless peice os flesh until I deem otherwise.' Danny walked outside and saw his newest member of the family standing there stock still, shoulders relaxed, head pointed straight in front of him. Perfectly nullified. Danny led him inside and turned to the closest person.
"Soran," he said cheerily, "this is our newest member, what was your name again?" He shook his head slowly, "Do you have a name?" A nod, "So you won't tell us?" He shook his head again, "You... Can't tell us?" Another nod and Danny hummed in annoyance, "A mute Parasite. Well, Soran, you figure out the name." He pushed the nameless wonder towards the dull eyed blond boy and walked over to Mendi.
"You're supposed to be at work," she scolded, "not recruiting, how much money did you get in tips today, hmm? How are we going to feed eleven people if you don't have a job?"
"I have it under control," he replied curtly before making a silent exit. He walked around aimlessly for a while, wondering exactly which house he'd rob that night.
Sen didn't need to look behind him to know he was being followed, he was waiting for the opportune moment to flee. He didn't have time to find a perfect opening because something went suddenly wrong. The reassuring and constant tug of magic, the only reason Sen was alive to that day, suddenly squeezed shut and became cut off from him. Hoping, fleetingly, that the further away he ran the follower the weaker his hold would be. Taking off at full speed Sen danced through the crowd away from whoever it was that was following him. An untimely cart was in his way, so Sen simply scaled it with the ease of someone who's trained with Kyline Monks.
After leaving a lovely distance between them Sen climb over a stall and watched, the only on with his head to the ground, whether he be following a soul, power, or memory trail it was obvious he was following the curving trail Sen used to dodge past the countless humans that flocked to the market. Sen climbed over roofs until he was behind his follower. With a self satisfied smile he walked up from behind his 'follower' and drew his sword. Just as he came within swinging distance someone cried out.
"He's got a sword!" hastily Sen slashed, but he only managed to clip the man's right arm as he made a wild duck to his left. Sen quickly went for another attack. At least he was good at dodge for all the mistakes he made in trying to track Sen, of all people. Of course, he quickly cornered the defenseless idiot, he scrabbled helplessly against the produce stand and causing the pile of apples to shift and tumble to the floor.
"Stop!" he cried out, a final plead for help perhaps? "I know what you are and I can help you!" It was unlikely and, forgetting, Sen went to set his Familiar on the man. No magic, and an awful truth came upon Sen. He never heard the next thing the man said, caught up in his own mind. He couldn't kill the tracker without risking his magic forever. In a frustrated show of restraint Sen lower his sword, it had been only a matter of time before the damned Seers caught him. Now that he was caught a life of imprisonment waited for him in Olessa. However, his past enemies weren't involved, something much worse than slavery was in store for Sen.
"We stay in hiding because there is a rebellion that's being planned," he said in a low rushed tone, "every day there is training, three free, hearty meals, and soon.. Soon you'll never have to hide you face again, or run at the first sign of trouble. Soon you will be watching for humans instead of them watching for you." Sen rolled his eyes even though the Rebel couldn't see it and put away his sword. It was just another scheme of the Commandants, "What is your name?" Again, Sen rolled his eyes, he'd tell him if he could. Instead, he gestured for the Recruiter to lead the way, waiting for a chance to steal his magic back.
However the Tracker wasn't exactly going to let his gaurd down after having one wound, which he ignored as if he didn't feel it as they made their way to the slums of the city. They stopped in front of an amazingly small house. The recruiter signaled for Sen to wait outside as he went in. He heard muffled voices, he didn't even bother listening to them and was about to walk away and wait for another chance to ambush the recruiter when everything drained away. Sen's convictions, his anger, annoyance, apprehensions, fears, anxieties, joys, even his sorrows and passions seemed to seep from his body and float away into the air. His last reasonable thought was, Damn it, I've been caught.[/center]